I promised to be happy by the rest of my life. My happiness is my responsibility alone, not anyone else. But I always wonder why I’m not happy as I should be? What thoughts make me unhappy? I guide people toward health and happiness anywhere I get a little time to write something. I believe that past life, past memories never let anyone be happy in the present not even in the future. Happiness lives in the present. But I know some past life memories can make us happy and fulfilling lives.
Today I realize that I have left all the happiness I had in my boyhood or earlier life. Perhaps it happens to everyone, but none all of them can understand. Perhaps its too late for me to realize but I thank god, that I got it before I die. I won’t be unhappy by remembering those days, but I have to write down today. I think this will heal my pain and helps many other readers to be healed from their past furious memories.
“If you want to heal from the past, put your attention on your present moment experience.”
The story of what happened in my past didn’t change. But what I gave power to totally changed. I stopped dwelling on the past. I stopped justifying the anger, and now I’m controlling myself to finding happiness every single moment.
“What’s wrong with me? This is nuts. I should be so much further ahead by now.”
Though we only lived there for around few years, my memories of that place are endless. I have so many memories of the people there, in the town. And they of I. I remember so much that i could probably write a short book on the years spent living there. Despite being a small town, it was definitely a lively and interesting town that i was glad to have lived in.
Days into making this big pivot in my life I must say I have gained a newfound passion andexcitement that I haven’t experienced in a long time. I am walking intothe unknown where I have a chance to build something new and directlyengage with people in a positive way. It will be a totally newenvironment where taking risks is encouraged, failure is tolerated, andlearning is constantly occurring.
Before I start I wants to ask you some question about happiness:
- Where the hell all my happiness gone?
- Where all your happiness diapered very suddenly?
- Why we lost happiness as we grown aged?
- Do you think aging and happiness are for ever enemies?
I don’t have answers of those question, perhaps I will write about those things in my later articles.
Things I have left behind..
I have left behind a lot of things as I moved ahead in life. It is the natural order and while I do not regret the small changes in my life, I see the many memories made and feelings and patterns emerging out of the days gone by. The ones that do not find a trace in my life of today. Sealed in an envelope of the past and stamped with time, they have been packed and dispatched.
The person I left behind
I look around at friends and colleagues. Yup, 100% confirmed. Pretty much everyone is leaving me in the dust. Still, many things that I have left behind. I speak my mind more now than before and I have an opinion, almost always. My dreams are still guarded and not shared even with the closest ones around. Fighting for myself remains a challenge till date but parts of the process have improved. I have left behind more than I can think of and admit to.
Life that I left behind
I was twenty something when I left my home (I mean my dad’s home, it was in a beautiful little city). Away from my parents, I stepped out to make a new life, new career and do all that my twenty-year-old mind and heart had thought for a bright future [To mention here, I mad some biggest mistake at the time, but after years I made some more change to improve my life and build a better career).
Coming from a small city, scared about a lot of things around, and always hoping that nothing goes wrong, it was the independent life. A life that I had thought of, and of-course many more that was really unexpected. Apartment, friends and awesome roadways and railways to travel to sea beach, day after day, night after night I have enjoyed sea beach, sun rise, moonlit, rain, rain even at the sea beach. It was really amazing feelings to live there, specially at night. Those days of queuing up and filling forms to get a berth on the train.
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Memories I left behind
Many nights I walked alone on the beach, heard sea-sore, night birds chipping, walking into the sandy-water, passing my foot print by the sand, long long way I had to walk. Inside my heart and brain had some feelings of joy, happiness along with a kind of sadness. I guess, I would missed some one, maybe my sister (I loved her so much and still now), maybe that girl I loved but she cheated me.
Maybe those memories with the loving peoples. All this, sometime gave made me feel like dying and sometime I’m in heaven. Here I must have to mention that, If I wanted to talk with them, I could be able, but I didn’t. Maybe I didn’t wanted to, but I had pain and joy along with all these present (that time) and past memories of that time. but now The life I left behind, what I mentioned above I missed those days a lot. It doesn’t mean I’m unhappy now. But it seems much more happiness were there, the life I left behind.
I have always liked meeting new people. I have many friends and close people But none of them are same close ones I had then. I can’t get close to new people or maybe they can’t get close to me.
So, the set of friends never expanded. Then what I get? Just a good relation with peoples. Nothing more, nothing less. I met many wonderful people over years who made a lot of difference to my life by their presence. Those smiles, the endless chatter or opening up of hearts seems like an old melody today. They moved on and I stopped there or maybe I moved on too (as you know time can’t be stopped). I miss them and I always wonder why I could not hold on to them. Maybe I wasn’t perfect enough for them, or maybe nature ruled over my faith. However it’s all ok, even if I miss enough the life I left behind and those days will never come again to my life. But I hope better days are coming to me and everyone.
Beautiful memories I left behind at Grandpas house
Many time we (my family) visited my grandpas house. That’s a beautiful place, specially for kids, beautiful nature and open playground which is actually unlimited space for any city kids. There were a pond we liked most. Beyond the pond, on the edge of the woods, my sister and i played with many other children. It was an old tree that leaned at an extreme angle. It was a large, healthy tree with a massive trunk that just grew strange. Given its size, the tree was at least 100 years old (I guessed or perhaps heard somewhere). The name of the tree were “Ashare Aamm” which can be translated in English as “Rainy Mango”.
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Roads that I left behind
The city I lived in, every road, lane, trees, peoples everyone were beautiful but I didn’t realized. After decades now I feel regret why I have left my city? There are lots of memories, many nights make me cry. Why all those golden days left me away? Why can’t I get back those crystal mind friends?
When I was sixteen, I met with an accident. There were no mobile phones but people in the area knew who I was. I was too lucky that the accident didn’t injured me, not even a single touch to my skin. But the road scratched my t-shirt and pants. Even today I wonder how could this happen a bike accident on a highways but nothing bad happened to me. But a few people were worried and got some first aid quickly if I needed it.
Today, I carry my business card and save phone numbers for no one would know who am I, if I ever collapsed even near my office. There is no colony and no next-door neighbors in the real sense. With multiple shortcuts and one ways, there is no one road that leads to my high school.
It was all mine, I mean our. Never thought that one day would come to force me to look behind, and those memories are now smiling at me and ask “are you happy now?” It sucks me, It seems all my happiness were there and I left them willingly or it was just a decisions taken by mistake.
I have left behind over two decades of life. Moving a handful of cities and meeting many new people, I feel having lived as I had never thought of. I never thought of cycling to Yoga or getting married (but yeah relationship can be welcomed), having a blog and letting go the dream of building a super-car, calling my home and clarifying where my parents live.
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Few words for my parents (Days I left behind)
Now that I’m adult enough, I understand the unconditional love my parents showered me with when I was young. Every time I close my eyes, I know how it feels to love parents or kids. Many time I saw by the street, kids are trying to sleep in a tiny space and they don’t even have any warm cloths in the night, I remember you (parents) comforting me when I couldn’t sleep. How both of you loved me so much. You tried to set a boundaries around my life, you set to whom should I met or not to met, but I never heard or cared you. And this was another biggest mistake of my life and i never can make it right again, because those time i left behind.
You were right about those people. They weren’t good for me and I eventually broke free from them as well. I wish you were here to see how much I’ve learned since you knew me and the person I’ve become.
In a moment of insight, I took responsibility for my own happiness. I saw that my anger was preventing me from experiencing the ease and well being that I desperately wanted, so I stopped feeding it. No more stories about what should have been, no more blaming or waiting for solutions. My identity as the wounded child disappeared, and what was revealed? Happiness. Peace.
This story of my childhood to adulthood, happiness and sorrows, will be continued soon just hold on for a little while more and keep reading on this blog.
About The Author:
Fahim Ahsan is passionate about turning impossible things to possible! He helps blogger and entrepreneurs to amplify their online business. He is expert in online business, personal development, finding happiness, inspiring people in any situation. His goal is to empower people with the skills necessary to be a successful person. The best part of all this is he really can do something impossible in reality. Connect with him on Twitter for learning more.
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