You have fall in love for someone and feeling crazy to be in a relationship with the person. This is very romantic, and you wants to be happy with your partner, right? But the truth is a relationship is not meant to make you happy. It is nobody’s job to make you happy. Who you fall in love with is not who you fall in love with. You will create an ideal version ofthem based on your own expectations and desires and hormones, and thatversion does not exist, and you will eventually realize it. Theinfatuation phase is finite.
Someone can say you “I love you”, I mean S/he loves you, but it really doesn’t mean that the person really loves you. It’s more than words.
It makes you warm and tingly all over when that special someone says “Ilove you” for the first time. The problem is it takes more than words to show someone you love them.
- Do they treat you like a person or anobject?
- Are you truly happy when you’re together?
If all they ever do is say the words, it’s not really love. Trust me, you’ll know thedifference. If you don’t, your friends and family will let you know.
As much as we want our relationships to be perfect, they really can’t be. Nothing as perfection really exists, it is a mixture of the two, of being content and the kind of choices we make in life.
Also read: 10 Reasons Why You Should Not Fall In Love
I’ve learned some painfully hard yet amazingly helpful lessons in my life through the relationships.
Few Key Points and Facts and truths of relationships:
- Love should never be consistently painful.
- When you’re in love, your partner always seems like a 10 on 10.
- You can never be happy with someone who makes you feel like you can’t be you.
- Fighting with the person you love is profoundly painful, but it’s inevitable and sometimes it’s necessary.
- Your goal shouldn’t be to never fight; it should be to fight better.
- If you can’t drop the past and start fresh, the relationship is going to fail.
- That’s the biggest myth about love – that love conquers all.
- Sometimes you will be extremely hurt. Even if he apologized in the most sincere,loving way, you won’t be able to fully forgive and definitely won’tforget.
- Both partners still need to have their own joy and space and time outside of the relationship.
10 Harsh Truths We All Need To Know About Relationships
The first step in having a healthy relationship is always to work on beingyour best self. This means being honest with yourself, looking at whoyou are and who you want to be, and dealing with anything that isgetting in the way of that.
1. Do not expect a prince charming or a queen of hearts
Your expectations actually discourage your partner to a great level. When someone constantly falls short of doing something for you, try and think differently. Maybe it is really you who is being unconditionally over demanding. Hard to hear, I know, but that is the truth sometimes.
Do NOT over-burden your partner with so many expectations that they start failing at everything, even the things they knew they could do or perform for you.
2. You can’t force it
We’ve all heard horror stories about girls who get pregnant to keep a guy.They’re sure the guy will love them if they try to force him to stay.But that’s the problem with love: it either happens or it doesn’t. Youcan’t force it. It’s one of the greatest mysteries in life. Sciencetries to explain it, but frankly, it’s just one of those things you feel or you don’t. Sometimes it takes time to realize you’re in love.Sometimes it happens in a instant. No matter what, you can’t forcesomeone to love you.
Also read: 10 Relationship Stages That All Couples Go Through
3. Not everybody tells the truth
The harsh truth is many of us will compromise on our morals to get what we want. At times, you are not someone’s conscious decision, at times, you are a rebound, at times, you are just a booty call. Be true to yourself, ifhe loves you he’ll accept you as you are. Nope. Who we are when we’resingle isn’t who we are when we’re in a partnership.
“Both of you willhave to change things about yourself, and make compromises that willmean you don’t always get to do or have things exactly as you want.”
Also read: Why Do We Fall in Love: The Mystery of Love-Science
4. Some people will try and ruin your relationship
As hard as it is for you to believe, some people just can’t help but envyyour relationship. They just can’t stand something that you have andthey don’t. Such people often turn out to be your closest friends.Friends, whom you probably go for advice and pouring-your-heart-outsessions.
Know that you should carefully evaluate every adviceyou start implementing in your relationship. Remember, no one knows your partner better than you so no one other than you would know the bestthing to do for your partner.
5. Love isn’t perfect.
You’re not going to fall in love with the perfect person. Why? They don’texist. Love is extremely flawed. There are going to be good days and bad days. There will be days when you think you couldn’t possibly tolerateyour partner another day. Real love helps you get past the bad times.You look past a person’s flaws and even love some of those flaws. You’re not going to be super, lovey-dovey, romantic movie style happy 24/7.Love isn’t easy or perfect.
6. We try to “fix” thepeople we care about
The act of sincerely caring for another personis rooted in love and respect. This means listening to themwholeheartedly and letting them know by your complete presence that they are seen, heard, and valued. It’s not a space where you try to fixthem – it’s about being a witness to the totality of who they truly are.
7. It’s about more than sex
So many people tie love and sex together. It’s one of the oldest lines for a guy to say, “If you love me, you’ll sleep with me.” Sadly, womenstill fall for that every day. Sex doesn’t mean someone loves you. Itmay seem that way, but all it means is they enjoy your body. If youdon’t have anything outside of the bedroom, car, kitchen or wherever you prefer to get down and dirty, it’s just lust, not love.
Just because the sex isgreat doesn’t mean the relationship has merit. That said, we can try and work at it: mainly through our bravery, our willingness to open up andtalk it out.
8. We look down on peoplewhen we disagree with them.
When someone upsets you, this is oftenbecause they aren’t behaving according to your fantasy of how they“should” behave. Take a deep breath. It’s OK to disagree with theopinions of others, but that doesn’t give you the right to deny anysense they might make. Nor does it give you a right to accuse them ofpoorly expressing their beliefs just because you don’t agree with them. Learn to appreciate different perspectives, lifestyles, and opinions,even if it means overcoming your pride and opening your mind beyondwhat’s initially comfortable.
9. They don’t love you if they don’t respect you
You can lie all you want to yourself but you know in the heart of your heart that someone who truly loves you will respect you, in front of others as well as when the two of you are alone.
They will respect your life goals, your words, your choices, your body and especially your emotions. Don’t think someone who doesn’t respect you will eventually start doing it.
Also read: 10 Signs Your Relationship Is Over or Will Be Soon
10. Some people can never learn from their mistakes
Not everyone is as good as others when it comes to learning from mistakes, some people don’t learn at all. Some people actually enjoy the “mistakes” they make and will happily go back and do it again as many times as they can. Be very careful when you give someone second chances, I’ve been there and I got hurt the second time.
It was more painful than the first because. I’m not saying this applies on everyone, but a lot of people I know have gone through the same pain and they all have a lot of regrets for giving someone a second chance.
In short, just be cautious. Even if you are in love, even if you believe in the goodness of the world, there is no harm in being careful and always appreciate when someone does good to you, trust me, there aren’t many people who would do that.
Also read: The Mystery of Love-Science: Why Do You Fall in Love?
Relationships take work, there is no way around it. A relationship is like a plant; it needs proper, consistent care or it will wither and die. And sometimes it will be really tough. There will be times when you can’t seem to communicate, times when you feel disconnected and angry, times when you start to question everything. These times will become few and far between if you put in the right amount of work. This includes releasing resentments from arguments past, letting go of the need to always be right, and realizing that certain issues won’t ever be resolved and you’re beating a dead horse by trying.
What are the lessons you’ve learned from life? Let me know in the comments below. And as always, stay blessed and keep the love alive!