Happiness: The 10 Reasons Why You're Not Happy

Your happiness doesn't really depend on you having a good or bad life. There are miserable millionaires and there are cheerful homeless...

Your happiness doesn't really depend on you having a good or bad life. There are miserable millionaires and there are cheerful homeless people. Do what makes you happy. If painting makes you happy, paint. If listening to music makes you happy, listen to music. Just having a good life isn't enough to make you happy.

“Money may not buy you happiness but happiness can help you get rich.”
- Jim Loehr, author of Power of Full Engagement
Do you sometimes feel like you should be happier?
From the outside you’re the picture of success, but on the inside you feel miserable, with happiness just out of reach.
You used to think that success would bring contentment, but now you’re filled with doubt.

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Happiness Practice: The 10 Reasons Why You're Not Happy
Why am I not happy? I have asked myself that question about a million times. My life is a good life. I have everything I could ever want, and I am supposed to be happy. It took me a long while to understand that depression is also chemical imbalance in the brain, among other things. I learned to accept it and embrace it, and it has taught me many lessons. Also, happiness is something elusive and relative. Don't stress out about that, it is normal and many people go through it (the struggle). I hated myself for a long time due to that fact, but now I just accept more, I guess. It is a personal progress.

What happiness actually is

Happiness, like all emotions, is an indicator that tells you how aligned you are with the energy of Who You Really Are. To put it another way, Who You Really Are, the non-physical you, has a certain perspective. And the closer you (human you) are to sharing that perspective, the better you feel. This has always been the case, of course. Only, never before in the history of our physical world have we been more aware of these indicators, or less tolerant of not being aligned with our true selves. Because the Global Vibration is always rising and moving faster and faster, we feel it more acutely than ever when we’re not aligned – we’re more sensitive to our misalignment. We have also never wanted happiness as intensely as we want it now, which makes it all the more painful when we’re not quite there.
Well, let’s change that. The following are some answers to why you are not happier even when everything in your life is running smoothly.

Your past demons are driving you

  • Growing up, did anyone ever make you feel you were not enough? 
  • Do you feel like you are trying to prove something to someone?
Who are you trying to prove your worth to?
  • Your mother? 
  • Your father? 
  • Your sister or brother? 
  • The bullies on the playground? 
  • The teacher that humiliated you?
Through your drive for success, you may be subconsciously trying to show them that you are enough and that you are somebody important. That’s because the #1 desire of human beings is…
… to be validated.
To feel that you are perfect just the way you are.
To feel worthy.
To feel good enough.

You may be unconsciously driven to accumulate more money, more status and more stuff in the name of showing those who have hurt you that, “Look, I’m enough, I’m somebody important.”

Solution: Understand where your drive for success comes from. If it comes from a part of you that feels like you are not enough, you can update that part with what you have accomplished and let it know that you are enough. When this part finally realized that you have been successful, it will give you permission to slow down and smell the roses. 

You’re in emotional jail

Are you afraid of feeling like a wimp if you admit you need help?

The stigma attached to seeking professional help to improve emotional states prevents many from seeking help. “I’m not a wimp; I can deal with this.” So you deal with it by going along with Madison Avenue’s definition of happiness — buy more stuff. Or you deal with it by drinking too much or eating too much and numbing your true feelings.

But you’re only hurting yourself if you do this. When you fail to deal with your emotions, they can blow up as anger, irritability, anxiety, rage, hostility, depression, and numbness. And not dealing with your emotions can cause health issues such as cancer, heart disease, thyroid problems, obesity, and autoimmune diseases, and wreck your relationships and hold you back from living to your potential.

You hate your job.

Since we spend so many hours a day at work, if you hate your job, you are spending most of your day unhappy. But you do have the power to change that. What is it you hate about your job? Is there anything you can change about it? If not, then start looking for another job. Just giving yourself permission to look will give you a happiness boost.

You don’t like being in malls, sporting events, airports or other public places with crowds of people. You feel suffocated and overly-excited. You can’t wait to leave.

You are lonely.

The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved.”
    ― Mother Teresa

We are naturally social creatures and nurturing relationships makes up a large part of life. If you find yourself alone and depressed on a Saturday night, make an effort to change it. Finding friendships will certainly improve your enthusiasm for what each day brings. How do you find good friends? Seek out social settings with people who share similar interests and beliefs to build a common foundation and launch a great relationship. Smile, reach out, and be genuinely interested in others. You will be surprised how far this will get you in building life-long connections.

You believe happiness is always one more goal away

  • “If I just make more money, I’ll be happy.” 
  • “If I just buy my dream home, I’ll be happy.” 
  • “If I just get a hot and sexy partner, I’ll be happy.” 
  • “If I just get rid of the last 15 pounds, I’ll be happy.”
You are fooling yourself if you keep thinking that the next monetary, status or material possession will finally be the ticket to joy.

You’ll get high temporarily and then go back to your old miserable state shortly thereafter. Then you’ll convince yourself that the goal wasn’t big enough. The next goal will finally be the golden ticket.
The Law of Paradoxical Intention says, “You must have goals, but your happiness cannot be tied to those goals. You must be happy first before you reach your goals.

This means if you want something so badly, that wanting creates a negative vibration and so the Universe will give you the opposite of what you want. So if you think you will be happy as a result of reaching a goal, this law says you won’t get it because you’re trying too hard.

You aren’t paying attention to your health.

If you feel bad physically, it will take a toll on your state of mind. If you don’t get enough sleep, if you are spending too many hours working, if you haven’t addressed a chronic health issue, you are going to feel depleted and unhappy. Your physical health can impact everything else in your life, so do what needs to be done to get healthy.

Is it possible to be focused negatively without knowing it?

First, I’d like to answer the question, can we be negatively focused on something and not even know it? Can we be manifesting unwanted things (that make us feel unhappy) into our experience and not know how we’re doing it?

The answer to that is a big, fat, hairy YES. Of course we can. In fact, that’s what most people are doing all day long. “But, isn’t that just because they’re unaware that their thoughts and vibration create their reality? Is it still possible to not know what you’re really focused on when you get how reality creation actually works?”, I can hear you asking. Again, that would be a big, fat, hairy YES (I’ve used all CAPS, so you know I really mean it).


You are highly focused on money and material things.

The longing for more money and more toys is the cause for so much dissatisfaction and unhappiness in life. Money and things might provide a temporary boost of happiness, but then you quickly become bored and long for the next thing or a higher income. Place more emphasis on relationships, experiences, and personal growth. 

You’ve attracted everything you thought you wanted

First of all, it has to be said that what most people think they want and what they actually want are almost never the same thing. What we think we want is usually a result of years and years of conditioning by our parents, teachers, friends, bosses, the media and society in general. We get told that if we get an education and a good job and a house and a spouse, a couple of kids, a new car and a dog, that we’ll be happy. And then we get all of those things, and happiness still eludes us. What the hell, Universe? 

You hold onto the perceived idea of control.

“As your faith is strengthened you will find that there is no longer the need to have a sense of control, that things will flow as they will, and that you will flow with them, to your great delight and benefit.” – Emmanuel Teney
At times, people seem to believe that they stepped straight out of a superhero comic book. They believe that they can control everything very well and things will just turn out exactly what they planned. What a burden to carry! You would certainly need superman’s strength to pick up that weight. However, the reality is that we don’t have the ability to control anything else other than ourselves. Once you make peace with this, you find the pressure is off and you can start to enjoy the scenery of the journey, instead of plotting the impossibility.

Really Understanding happiness

Happiness isn't always as simple as having a good life. It can come down to the finer details, such as, you may have a good life and recognize it, but are you still unhappy with things you lack? Are you having issues that make it hard to appreciate what you have because having a good life doesn't solve your problems? Or it could come down to you having a psychological disorder, a chemical imbalance in the brain. Chemical imbalances don't discriminate and people with the best lives, those who have it ALL can still wind up with depression or another mental illness. In these situations, it may take them seeking professional help from a counselor or psychiatrist in order to find a way to balance out their brain chemicals so they are ABLE to feel happy again.

Practice forgiveness to be happy. When we hold on to a hurt or a grudge, it’s like a thorny weed that continues to poke us and undermine our joy. Nothing good comes from staying angry or hurt. Let it go. Forgive. Move on.
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