You must pay attention to The mystery of Love-Science & why do you fall in love? Do you really want a successful healthy relationship? There are 10 distinct stages of relationships, and how you handle each stagewill make or break your relationship success. The chances are good thatyou have already failed in both the beginning stages and the laterstages, so if you want to make your current relationship or futurerelationship successful, it is important to understand where you aregoing wrong.
Stage 1: The Lust Stage
Gaining interest in someone is a stage in itself that could be considered part of therelationship. It is a lust stage where you take interest in someone andwhat you perceive they could offer you, and during this stage thehormones estrogen and testosterone take front and center stage to turnup the heat.
The only thing you need to do to make this work ispull out your list of must haves and deal breakers (you have one right?) and take a look at the person through a critical eye rather than ahormonal eye.
Yes, they may get your juices flowing, but if they don’thave the qualities that you are looking for, or if they have all thequalities you want to avoid, then it is best to lust after them fromafar. The lustful feeling will go away eventually and you will be gladthat you didn’t get involved with someone who was not going to be a good fit for your life. But, if they fit your list, then you will move on to the next stage.
Checkout: Falling In Love With Your Spouse All Over Again
Stage 2: The Passionate Stage
This is ashort stage, but it is important. It is the stage of a relationshipwhere you have intense feelings for someone, so much so that you arewilling to do things you normally wouldn’t do and devote all your freetime to being with and thinking about them. This doesn’t have to be asexual stage, although you will likely feel an intense sexualattraction.
The saying ‘love is blind’ was developed from thisstage. All your partner’s annoying traits and habits fade into thebackground as you see their potential, their positive qualities, andtheir ability to make you feel amazing. The hormones that are beingreleased are responsible for this stage. Adrenaline, serotonin, anddopamine are rushing through you making you feel alive and full ofpleasure and keeping your focus on your new partner.
To make thisstage work, just enjoy it! There’s not much work involved with you arefeeling passionate and in the right place with the right person. Youneed to enjoy this because you will want to recall this stage later onin your relationship when things get tough to remember those littlethings that you thought were amazing about your partner in thebeginning.
Also read: Body Language: How To Tell if a Woman is Attracted to You?
Stage 3: The Attachment Stage
At the beginning of this stage, things will get heavier in your relationship. This is where commitment comes in and you move forward to the couple status. Youbecome attached, see each other in your futures, and start to thinkabout long-term plans with your partner. You introduce each other toyour friends and family – if you haven’t done so already, and you starttalking about each other to other people as your boyfriend andgirlfriend.
To make this stage work, you have to build a solidfoundation of trust, communication, and intimacy. You have to talk toeach other, really get to know each other, and develop a bond that isgoing to help you get through struggles that are going to arise later on in your relationship. In fact, every stage after this one depends onyou developing those things in your relationship.
Develop trust: Don’t try to hide anything about yourself. Be open and honest with your partner, let them know what you are thinking and whatyou are doing, and don’t lie – at all. That will help you build trustwithout holes. If you are not honest and open, and you lie even in theslightest, there will be small trust issues in your relationship thatwill grow into bigger trust issues down the line.
Developcommunication: Make sure you agree to be upfront and honest with eachother through your relationship. If you start from the beginning, youwill have an easier time later on talking through bigger issues thatoccur that could be a death sentence for your relationship otherwise.
Intimacy: If you do not want to have sex until later in the relationship, that’sfine. But cuddling, holding hands, and kissing can help you form atighter bond that keeps your relationship running smoothly.
Stage 4: The Examination Stage
As you learn more about each other, you may find some things that make you question your future together. This stage usually happens around thefirst few months of the relationship.
If you have ever heard ofthe three month rule, this is it. The three month rule basically saysthat if you can last longer than three months, you are probably going to last for a while. But, if you are going to break up, it will be aroundthe end of the second month. This is the stage where most people gothrough a breakup. Fears and insecurities arise in this stage, and acommitment phobe will bail in it.
To make it through this stage,you have to be committed to staying together. You have to see or paint a bright future, and you have to really feel emotional in a positive wayabout the potential you have as a couple. Because you have started outon a solid foundation of communication, trust, and intimacy, you have an easier time working through this stage and staying together.
Stage 5: The Belief Stage
In this stage of your relationship, you form some solid beliefs about each other. You decide what annoys you about your partner and you get clearon how you are different from each other. Your true colors start toshine through, and all those bad things that you used to hide from yourpartner (like going to the bathroom or being consistently late forfunctions) starts to come out. This is because you didn’t changeyourself during the first 4 stages of your relationship, you justadapted a little to win over your partner and they did the same thing.
Now that you have each other, everything can be let loose.
To make it through this stage, adopt the philosophy that you are both doing the best you can in the relationship and the little things don’t matter.For instance, just because you don’t like the way they eat doesn’t meanyou have to break up with them. Moreover, just because they are notliving up to some expectation you have does not mean they are no goodfor you. They are doing the best they can with the knowledge they have.
Also read: Once a cheater is always a cheater
Stage 6: The Lack Of Fulfillment Stage
Unlike in the other stages of relationships, your partner is not going to meet all your needs at this point. There will be some things that yourpartner is not giving to you, and there will be some things that you are not giving to your partner. This will leave both of you slightlyunfilled in the relationship, and if you don’t address these issues now, they are going to fester into sore spots that will affect yourrelationship negatively in the future. That will cause you to fight,feel bad, and possibly break up later on down the road.
To make it through this stage, you need to develop a way of talking about yourrelationship in a safe place where you can work through any issues thathave creeped up. Experts recommend sitting down once a week anddiscussing your relationship. Reflecting on the week past, and which ofyour needs were not met, will help you fully explain to your partner why you feel like those needs were not met and what they can do about it,and vice versa. If you wait too long to talk about it, you may not havethe insight into why you were upset or felt unfulfilled, so don’t waitmore than a week to discuss relationship issues and build a plan to work through them.
Stage 7: The ‘Working On Our Relationship’ Stage
Now that you are clear on the things that are affecting you negatively, you can get to work. You will work on improving yourself in therelationship while your partner will work on themselves.
To makeit through this stage, don’t try to change your partner. It’simpossible. They can only change what they want to change, and nobickering, fighting, or blaming is going to change that fact. You arediscussing issues on a weekly basis at this point and if your partner is not understanding what you need, then you can bring it up in adifferent way at your next discussion. It may take a little while, butas long as your partner is hearing what you need and working on makingthe relationship work, then they will eventually make the changes theyneed to make themselves and you will get what you need.
If youpartner is not actively engaged in this stage, then you must keepworking on yourself. Some people find change uncomfortable, and it isonly when they see the positive benefits in the relationship from yourchanges that they will start to make changes in themselves.
If you find that they are not making changes in themselves for a period oftime that is too long, then seeking outside help is a good option. Atherapist can help your partner see things in a new light that promotechange in them and help you see things that promotes change in you.Therapists are trained to see problems that you may not see, offersolutions that you may not be able to find otherwise, and give youactionable exercises to practice after your session is over to help getthe change that you desire.
Stage 8: The Bliss Stage
This is the stage where you are consistently working on your relationship withease, and you have become a great team. Other people see how happy youare, you are grateful for the relationship you have, and you findcomfort and support in your relationship that promotes happiness andbliss in your life.
This is another stage that is not hard to getthrough. You both feel like you are perfect for each other, and thatpropels you to easily do things that keep you perfect for each other.You will be able to resist doing things that may harm your relationshipduring this stage because your relationship has really become a toppriority in your life.
Stage 9: The ‘Test Your Strength’ Stage
Eventually something big is going to happen that changes your relationship fromblissful to struggle. It could be a having a kid, losing a job,experiencing a death close to home, or having someone interfering withyour relationship. This stage can really weigh heavily on your feelingsfor each other if you let the stress get to you or handle the stress incompletely different ways.
To get through this stage, you have torely on your communication skills. Don’t distance yourself from eachother. Instead, share your concerns, hear your partner’s concerns, andcome together in a way that is beneficial for your future. This may take some compromise, but if you want your relationship to last the test oftime, then you have to be willing to do it.
Stage 10: The ‘Till Death Do Us Part’ Stage
Once you make it through the rest of the stages of relationships intact, you will feel confident in your relationship and its future. In fact,breaking up won’t be an issue. You don’t have to get married, but youwill be married in definition. You will most definitely face more issues that require strength on both your parts, but because you have gottenthrough it once before, you will have the ability to get through itagain.
While this stage doesn’t take a lot of effort, it isimportant to remember to keep working through tough times and keep thecommunication, trust, and intimacy an important part of yourrelationship. If you stop working on your relationship at this point,you will head back to stage 6 and have to start all over again. But, assaid, it won’t take a lot of effort and it will more than likely benatural for you to work on keeping your relationship healthy and happy.Enjoy it! Most people don’t make it through all the stages ofrelationships, so you should be proud of yourself.